We’ll be recording the show March 28th 2011, and we’ll post it either right then or on the 29th.
Please post your questions below, we’re sure to have another wonderful show!
Best,
Dainis
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I kicked this show off with possibly the most antagonistic question I’ve ever posed Julian. The credibility of this site, his credibility, and our entire…
We teach people how to let go of tinnitus. Your tinnitus is persistent, and you would like to have crystal clear, undisturbed, relaxed hearing. Even…
This fight or flight questionnaire awakens you to your state of well-being and your own sabateur. It has 43 questions and a self-evaluation at the end.…
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Hi Dainis,
Just watched the Cure Tinnitus Show ‘Prep’. Can’t wait to see the show. Those topics you guys mentioned are just the things I’m workig on right now. So, it can’t get any better. Speaking of getting better. My Mr.T situation is quite ok, actually. There are times when it bugs me big time, but in general I can handle the ringing very well. You know what the funny thing is? When I work hard and my schedule is fully packed, I pay less attention to the ringing and forget about it from time to time. So in a way stress works for me 🙂 Or let’s say: being busy helps. So what I’d like to know is how you an Julian see that situation, in which relaxing means more time to think about Tinnitus and working hard means less thoughts about it.
Many thanks and take care,
Lucas
Hi Dainis and Julian,
Looking forward to the next show, it’s going to be an interesting one!
Thanks to this site I now have control over my T. To be honest, it is almost gone, but a little bit of it is still there at a very high pitch but a very low volume. Yoga, meditation and relaxation helped me a lot, but I would really like to get rid of that last bit of T and I don’t know how. I am a graphic designer, working at a PC all day and I am sure this is a big part of the problem. I tend to hold muscle tension, especially in my head, neck, shoulders and stomach and I would like to know why. At the moment my life couldn’t be better so I it’s hard to find the deeper cause of my T.
Thanks and keep up the good work!
Rob
sometimes it seems like members post the solutions to their situations right in the questions themselves. it’s just a goofy attempt, but here’s a bit of a restructuring of your post:
“I tend to hold muscle tension, especially in my head, neck, shoulders and stomach because I work at a PC all day.”
If that seems plausible for you, here’s an excellent next step: work on taking stretching breaks every hour. take a look at the ergonomics of your working position. keyboard. chair, etc. get physical therapy directly to relieve workplace stiffness. make necessary changes. buy that expensive chair. get those cool lights. take those breaks. maybe bring in an ergonomics consultant. work through deeper tissue and posture issues in therapy.
how would that feel?
thoughts?
I would like to comment about “control” issues or rather the anxiety that comes from knowing that life is not in our control. Deep down inside I can’t cope when life doesn’t go well. For example, there must be a way to be able to live my own life on a day-to-day basis despite the anxiety of “not knowing” the outcome of things. DESPITE crises that occur, for example, in the lives of my grown children, my grandchildren, etc., over which I have NO CONTROL. When things happen (a potential divorce of one of my kids, an illness in a grandchild, not serious) I freak out and get into an over-reactive, overwhelmed state. I pace. I need day-by-day knowledge of what’s going on which drives them crazy and so I don’t call for fear of alientating them! I cannot concentrate on anything until I KNOW FOR SURE that the situation will be resolved happily (i.e., no divorce, kids get better) but some things take time to resolve. I can’t pull out of the fear. I need “instant” resolution. Everyone has life crises – but I have friends who are going through the same stuff and yet continue to see their friends, do their hobbies, live life. I don’t have coping tools. The tinnitus kicks into high gear during these stressful times, I hyperventilate and my blood pressure soars. I just can’t deal with uncertainty. I just can’t seem to separate my psyche from theirs. Any suggestions on how to cope with life’s scary interludes would be appreciated. We all fear loss of control but for me, it’s completely overwhelming. I want my “safe little world” around me, but life doesn’t always cooperate. I would love to be able to gain control over my emotions and not need instant gratification that “ALL IS WELL”. I am sure beyond a doubt that this is mostly hard-wired in me and also due to early loss of my father when I was a small child, but I have tried to find ways to deal/cope with it so that I can move forward happily with my life but have been unsuccessful. Thanks in advance.
I’d have to recommend meditation. It’s been used for thousands of years for the specific purpose of gaining control over your mind (and through it, your body and etc.), so you should definitely look into it. Sadly, I haven’t devoted myself to it yet so I rarely do it (once or twice a week, on average) for any meaningful length of time.
Apart from that, as for “coping tools,” I use music to compensate for my laziness. It’s more or less my source of control; I just listen to whatever complements the state of mind I’m in or want to be in.
Also, as for not needing anything to feel that all is well, I’d recommend Eckhart Tolle’s book “The Power of Now.” Worked wonders for me… but then I stopped reading it and my life went back to the cycle of happy-meh-blah. That week was probably the best I’ve felt during my entire life, too. 😐
There is nothing that beats sharing a burning issue with a close friend or taking it to your therapist or group. Something gets digested and processed when one person’s problem is opened up into the holding provided by two or more people. One heart plus another heart equals more than two hearts… Something else comes into play which is very empowering and helps us deeply.
If for some reason this is not possible (this may be really worth looking into!) then you are going to have to struggle with this alone. What you can do is either sit in your internal thought process and keep freaking yourself out, or shift the focus into the body.
Try counting each in breath up to 10 and then on the out breath think about letting go of everything. As your mind gets distracted and bounces back to the issue, just keep refocussing on the breathing. This involves will-power and focus and is a still which you will develop with this technique.
Otherwise you can sit and feel how your body is being affected by this situation. Do you feel suffocated, tight chested and feel like running? If so, get out and go for a run. If you feel sick and like you cannot eat, then be really considerate about what you take into the body. Do you feel pain in your heart? The horrible truth is, the best thing is to sit with your pain and get to know it. This is very hard. But if you stay with the felt sense of this and get to know it internally, I can pretty much guarantee that this will involve less suffering than hanging out in the mental ramifications of it all.
Body-based focussing is simple, tough and transformational – ie bit by bit it helps us feel better and make progress. I always find the direct body pain surprisingly manageable. We develop a muscle in coping with this the more we hang out in directly meeting our suffering.
The mental stuff just keeps the whole suffering thing spinning out of control. If you hang out in your internal dialogue where you catastrophize, then this will keep you stuck in fear and overwhelm.
Ideally you would find a therapist who can sit with the felt sense of your suffering and share this in a joint field of compassion. This is what we learn to do with Core Process Psychotherapy.
Hope this makes sense.
Best wishes
Julian
I think this helped a lot… Thanks. *sigh*
Guess I’m going to have to confront the weirdness that was my recent past and find out what really happened if I’m going to actually do something to rid myself of T. Meaning there’s going to be lots of meditation and stuffs in my near future.
Thank you C.H.
Thank you guys!
Your shows have evolved wonderfully.
S
Hi guys, thanks for this, sounds about where I am!!
I had an initial ‘breakthrough’ after a total breakdown, and thought it would be up and up since then (June 2010), but it hasn’t. Instead it’s been up and down and is getting soooooooo tedious!!!
I keep having breakthroughs – and yes, you could argue that with each one I have learnt more and more…. but with each one I feel strong and positive for a short time and then just get stuck and then slump back into sleeplessness/ depression and ‘tinnitussing’. It’s been really tough.
My latest breakthrough was beautiful – I have known for a long time about the importance of loving and nurturing the self, but never known how, or managed to sustain it, and this has been really hard. then recently I re-discovered Louise Hay and her theories about loving the self begin with never ever critisizing the self. This was a MASSIVE aha moment – the realisation that the depression, the tinnitusy stuff – was all a result of a constant demand on myself to succeed/ be rid of the T etcetc…
so I began with Louise’s work – constantly repeatng, I approve of myself, I forgive myself and so on, and I felt GREAT!! I mean, flying up around 6 or7!! and I was focusing on feeling good – eating well, doing qigong, just feeling really good… I started to feel deep compassion for myself, for others…. all the other stuff (mindfulness etc) started to make sense, then BANG! i couldn’t do it anymore.
So what’s this about???? When I hit the BANG! I don’t sleep, the depression becomes extreme and I start ‘tinnitusing’ really badly. I mean, way down level 2 stuff – even 1!
Now I KNOW this was a breakthrough and i know it’s the way forward and I know the cause of the bang was THE ISSUE – ie., that ‘not good enough’ is deeper seated than I first realised, and hey, these things don’t happen over night!! It’s just I do the breakthrough / bang thing so frequently that it’s become a whole loop in itself.
It’s all just so very tiring and with each bang I just can’t see a comfortable end and when I’m in the tinnitus, well, I’m in the tinnitus. It’s rotten.
So, there you go – is this helpful for your vid.
Love and peace to you both, Jackie xx
It has taken me years to learn what “Love thyself” means. “Metta” in Buddhist terminology means loving kindness and actually being able to show loving kindness to myself has taken me many years.
A difficult time over the last few months has given me no choice but to accept a challenging situation and stay with my own reactions. Staying with my pain and suffering has been very hard work but I have managed to breath my way into the heart of my body’s reactions and hang out regularly with how it feels.
However what really helped was one day when I realised just how much I appreciated myself, and the care I was giving myself. It was like I suddenly shifted my perspective and realised that there was a perspective that could really love and appreciate me.
In short, I could be aware of pretty much all of me, and from that perspective I could then show loving kindness towards me. Its like – Wow I can really appreciate what this man is like, how he is living, and how he is caring for X. The moment I felt loving kindness to myself, – I think I touched my face and patted my shoulder, I felt this deep internal softening and positive body response. We can literally hug ourselves and appreciate ourselves.
Its extraordinarily powerful.
I recommend it some time!
With metta
Julian
Hi, I just read Meta’s post and wanted to comment that I have a similar thing- i have been in a state of over whelm since having children. It seems like whatever i I do to help me cope with tinnitus, and even though I believe that I could let go of it ….something stops me every time, and it’s fear. A basic lack of trust I life, a deep fear for my children especially. So every time I hit on something that makes me feel better, I eventually hit this MASSIVE wall of resistance and I feel terrible again – basically because I lose faith in myself and in life. It’s so hard going round in this loop because rather than getting easier, my insights get deeper but the depression and the tinnitus get worse with every slump. So for me it’s about trust – both in myself and in life. Am getting bored bored bored of not being able to just move on. I do believe self love and acceptance is the key. I would like to recommend Louise hay to meta if she hasn’t read it already. It is a beautiful book. Excuses any mistakes, being attacked by small people wielding oven gloves xx
Hey Jackie thanks…. I will check out Louise Hay’s work. I yo-yo too. Some people have a wonderful ability to cope with stress and aren’t overwhelmed with the fears that we all face. Somehow they just don’t think about it and reserve their “worry” for when something bad really happens. They don’t worry about the “what-ifs”. As I like to say, I’m still a work in progress………
Framework for the show:
* stuck and breakthrough
* how much of the therapy should be dealing with tinnitus and how much with life circumstances?
…we just finished recording…and WOW, Julian gave CTO an incredible gift at the end of the show. I’ll post the show ASAP.
Julian: wonderful response to my question posted here….Most salient point you made: “…..The mental stuff just keeps the whole suffering thing spinning out of control. If you hang out in your internal dialogue where you catastrophize, then this will keep you stuck in fear and overwhelm.” So true! You also wrote:
“Ideally you would find a therapist who can sit with the felt sense of your suffering and share this in a joint field of compassion. This is what we learn to do with Core Process Psychotherapy.”…..almost impossible to find a “talk” therapist who is talented in this area anymore……sad……..but guess it’s worth a try……..THANK YOU for your kind and thoughtful input. Much appreciated……..
you know, it’s odd. i went to a psychotherapist last week and found myself “positioning” my session to just be “listened to.”
feels odd to pay just to vent and then to tell someone that i just want to be heard.
but, it was helpful, and though this particular therapist was a bit “hawkish,” and i did not get a good “vibe” from her, she was skilled at offering healthy alternatives and she certainly heard what i was saying.
when i was done venting, she summarized, which is something i really haven’t experienced much of in about the past decade.
she also checked if she understood correctly. what a relief!
there are also free resources to “be heard,” though not in the intimate setting a psychotherapist can provide. here is a crisis line i highly recommend. they are called the “listening ear center.” and they are very very good at listening.
http://www.thelisteningear.net/
their procedures are amazing. we could all do to call their hotline just to gain a sense for how good they are at listening and responding in ways that confirm that they really are…listening.
Wow. Wow. Julian: THANK YOU. Have not been able to get online to listen to show 27 until tonight (April 11). You are right: I have never known how to soothe myself. I think, after listening to you speak, that I need to find myself a new therapist. I’ve been in and out of therapy for years but don’t think I’ve yet found someone who does the kind of work that you do. I love love love your advice to concentrate on my breathing and on my immediate surroundings, etc. To take care of myself. To concentrate of the fact that I am OK NOW. You have given me (and hopefully others) much food for thought. Your words have facilitated a huge breakthrough for me: I “saw” myself, the swirling thoughts, the catastrophizing – and was able to suddenly see that it truly is ONLY my “thoughts” and that “control” over my own reaction to stress is, indeed, something that I can attain because it’s my BEHAVIOR that I need to gain control over. You can have all these horrible thoughts and fears, but they are just that: thoughts. Wow. “Shift the focus”. Important and life-changing discussion, Julian and Dainis. Thank you. I have my work cut out for me. Bless you both.
Hey you guys are always amazing!
I was sorta stuck so to speak, cuz I have been traveling extensively and attended a wondrful festival and seminar in India for a month. So I have not had a chance to check in with the website and also catch up on the shows I have missed.
But due to the contact with you and Julian, and getting the process to tame the “T”. Although stuck in a way…. I have not been bothered by the “T”” very much at all. But it is still there.
Now, I have more time and thanks to this show will go deeper. I have had breakthrough’s fortunately, and no “Bang’s” have manifested.
But I feel very fortunate that you are both here for me, and have this process to get to the source of the “T” no matter how long and how deep I have to go….
GREAT SHOW! …. THANKS AGAIN!